Trouble-shooting Parenthood
Are we as parents able to address needs of our teenagers effectively? What do the teenagers think? As an exercise in parental trouble-shooting, read the answers and post your diagnosis.
Question #1) Your teenager comes drunk…what are you going to do?
- "I will refrain from shooting them."
- "Not give him any consequences because he’s already feeling sick."
- "…talk to them about the effects of alcohol."
- "Tell him you have to be 21 to drink."
- "I would listen to their story, talk to my spouse, then decide what to do."
Question #2) Your teenager comes home with a "D" on the grade card - how would you handle it?
- "Ask him if he thinks he was doing his best work."
Question #3) What are the indications your teenager is doing well (or poorly) ?
- "They tell me."
Question #4) What does your teenager want from you?
- "They want guideliness, support and guidance."
- "Stuff."
Question #5) Your youth-worker says your kid is not interested in the Lord. What do you do?
- "Pray with other Christians about it."
- "Cry, cry, cry, get help, pray, pray, pray."
- "Go to a parenting class."
From teenagers:
Question #6) What do you think your parent’s expectations are of you?
- "They want me to be everything they are. Just because we share genes doesn’t mean we share a brain."
Question #7) Do you really talk to your parents?
- "No, because whatever it is is my fault. What’s the point if they don’t help me?"
Question #8) Can you trust your parents?
- "No, they invade my privacy and don’t leave me alone. They don’t trust me, and I don’t trust them."
Question #9) Do your parents listen to you?
- "No. Brick walls listen better."
Question #10) If you would change 2 thngs about your parents, what would they be?
- "I’m my own person. I’m not you. I make mistakes. So let me, and I’ll be OK."
Question #11) What would you do differently?
- "My criticism will be constructive, and I’ll understand that my kid isn’t just like me."
Question #12) What do you admire most about your parents?
- "Nothing. Well, they haven’t killed me yet.""
Question #13) What do you admire least?
- "They’re ignorant."
Related -parenting surveys
Kids need to know that they are intrinsically valuable and acceptable as they are. Christ totally fills this bill. I have wasted so much of my own life defining myself from external evaluations from parents, teachers, peers, etc. I have sought approval from these external sources rather than from my identity as a valuable heir and co-worker in God’s Kingdom.
If we as parents can learn to live and communicate this truth to our children, then our kids will be more able or free to live as God intended them to live. The problem for me is to unlearn what I have learned and to relearn what God says about me so that I can mirror or model this life to my children.
I’m looking forward to learning and understanding what God says about parenting!
Lisa
Posted on December 11th, 2006 at 11:59 am
Parents’ Question #3) What are the indications your teenager is doing well (or poorly) ?
“They tell me.”
Teens’ Question #7) Do you really talk to your parents?
“No, because whatever it is is my fault. What’s the point if they don’t help me?”
I’m not a parent of teens, but the answers to these questions show an insteresting contrast. Although there are teens that talk to thier parents, and even are close with their parents, most teens don’t necessarily tell them everything. Some, like me when I was a teen, don’t tell thier parents anything at all. How can parents/teen workers relate with teens on a basis of trust?
Posted on December 24th, 2006 at 12:22 am
Wow–are these the only responses to all those questions from all those surveyed?! It would be interesting to see more responses.
Diagnosis: From these responses, I would conclude we are not able to address the needs of our teens effectively. However, some of these questions require context, is the “D” grade the usual grade, a once in a lifetime, or starting to occur more frequently?
I was bummed no teens admire anything about their parents, Maybe that’s part of typical teen separation?
Diana asks a critical question. In our ministry, I find that teens do want to talk & will talk if listened to. How do we motivate them to take on a vital walk w/Jesus, finding their role in the BOC & fruitful ministry? This requires lots of individual care in discipling, good trusting relationship, inner motivation, appreciation, good role models, peer group,….these things are still forming in our church.
Posted on January 3rd, 2007 at 2:40 pm
[…] Are we as parents able to address needs of our teenagers effectively? What do the teenagers think? As an exercise in parental trouble-shooting, read the answers and post your diagnosis. […]
Posted on January 9th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
I agree with all of the responses so far. When I was a teen, I definitely felt that I could not tell my mother anything. This would be because she would flip out and make me feel less-than-human. However, when my parents divorced, I was able to witness my step-sisters interactions with their mom. They were able to tell her anything and they felt comfortable doing it. This was because she would actually listen, give advice and help with situations, and made them feel important and loved no matter what. Even though she was not Christian and was not demonstrating Christ’s love, she was able to get love, respect, and communication from her kids.
I have only been in youth ministry for about 1.5 years, but the kids really seem to open up with us youth workers and they will tell us some of their opinions about some of the above questions. I guess thats one of the reasons I love working in this area! We definitely can help here and show them that they are loved by God no matter what, first and foremost, and us.
So, I guess what I am trying to say is that kids need to be shown that you can be trusted, that they are loved even when they screw up, and that you are really listening not just waiting for your turn to speak and give them a piece of your mind. Plus, they need to be aware that even people close to them will let them down and that is why having a personal relationship with God is so awesome and important- He can give listen, be trusted and love them unconditionally..ALWAYS!!
Posted on January 21st, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Well, it’s pretty obvious that alot of us parents don’t know what we would do given certain situations. It’s hard to think on the spot when it’s never happened to you. However, that’s no excuse for not having thought through it and having a plan in place. We do need to think through what are the most important values that we want to pass on to our kids, and how are we going to do it. Obviously force-feeding them won’t work…shucks!
That’s what I am hoping to get from this class…an opportunity to think through it and make a plan. As for the kids’ responses, it doesn’t surprise me that many feel they can’t talk to their parents. Heck I have a hard time communicating with adults/parents(non-xenoids of course). Honestly, before this class started my kids were questioning me why I am taking it and saying that Ted and I are great parents and are communicating/doing just fine. hmmmm perhaps somebody/ies didn’t want their world shaken up? Once the class started I felt alittle distancing going on. Anyone else get that? I am starting to see it may be time for our family to delve into the temperaments a little deeper this time.
Posted on January 23rd, 2007 at 2:16 pm
it seems that these young ones want there own identity. they want space to make their own mistakes and learn like everyone else. i.e. vicariously, making own mistakes, and from just learning. they could end up being suffering as mog but as long as boc is there to help, there is hope.
Posted on January 23rd, 2007 at 10:21 pm
[…] Are we as parents able to address needs of our teenagers effectively? What do the teenagers think? As an exercise in parental trouble-shooting, read the answers and post your diagnosis. […]
Posted on July 5th, 2009 at 1:19 pm